Morning team,

I had planned a really in depth Fem Friday this week that was also going to be deeply personal and heartfelt and maybe even moving! But also I read some really funny things on the internet this week and my feelings will for sure keep, so enjoy these and I’ll loop you in re: my emotions next week unless something better comes up.

To start with, though, here are some turn of the century women illustrating ship’s distress signal’s on cigarette cards. These are not intentionally funny, just enjoyable to look at:

https://digitalcollections.nypl.org/items/510d47dd-b41d-a3d9-e040-e00a18064a99

This parody of a Lord Byron poem appeared on the internet two days ago and I have already read it in full about seven times, and will probably read it again before I send this newsletter “just to check the link works”. I love laughing at Lord Byron. As usual, fabulous prizes* await subscribers who read all or some of this poem aloud and send me a link to the audio file:

But you should just know, like for the record,

that I actually still love you,

like a lot, like a really incredible amount,

in a way that says more about the kind of person I am

than the kind of person you are

if you know what I mean.

http://the-toast.net/2017/07/26/lord-byrons-fare-thee-well-or-i-just-think-its-funny-how/

Are you at work? Depending on who can see your screen, you might not want to have Reductress open for all to see, but it is honestly worth switching to your phone for this article on 5 Satisfying Snacks Over 3K Calories. I started laughing normally about one third of the way through and had progressed to an undignified laugh-screech-gurgle by the end:

Cook one whole box of pasta [NOTE FOR EUROPEANS! I imagine this is maybe a kilo] and just leave it in the pot, because you don’t have a bowl big enough to hold it, anyway. That’s 1,520 calories right there—but you’ll need more fuel to get you through that 4 PM conference call! Melt half a pound of Swiss cheese and pour on top of the pasta. Top with 15 slices of crumbled bacon and a generous sprinkling of Parmesan. Now you’re full of zest and pep to get you through the rest of the workday!

http://reductress.com/post/5-satisfying-snacks-over-3000-calories/

Enjoy your weekend,

Alex.

*a book